Dealing With Dating Uncertainty:

Dealing With Dating Uncertainty

dealing with dating uncertainty

We often fuel that uncertainty by trying to protect ourselves from that fear by pulling away, looking for reasons to justify it and maybe even cutting our losses all together and breaking up with someone before they hurt us.

Have you always been the one to walk away first when things got hard or uncertain? Do your cons always outweigh the pros? Do you get uncomfortable when the situation is unfamiliar to you or pushes you up against your boundaries of love? Start by asking yourself, How do I feel about this person? Is it a move to a new city? Is it some sociological or religious difference?

Or is it just the fear of the unknown? Write out the core issue and how you feel about it. Writing will allow you to look at your feelings in a logical way later in the exercise. Ask yourself these questions: Why is this an issue? Are my thoughts or doubts about the issue coming from fear or from past experiences?

Can I live with this issue if it were never resolved? Is my uncertainty coming from a place of comparing and judging to others around me or to my past?

Walk away from your notes and come back to them a few hours later to look at them objectively. Are you approaching the issue from the perspective of fear? If so, consider what you have to lose by rewarding fear: Will you get another chance at this type of love?

Are you happy with things as they are now, or have been in the past? Will you choose unhappiness over uncertainty? Will you choose fear over your relationship? Consider what you have to GAIN by fighting fear: No matter what happens, you can adapt to new challenges and experiences in your life surprisingly quickly. Just know that your willingness and ability to risk the comfort of the familiar in order to find your true happiness is the path to living a remarkable life.

Choose love, not fear.

Does fear of uncertainty get the better of you? | Psychologies

These would remove the uncertainty that comes with being vulnerable. Instead, we have to make the decision, commit, and then invest our energy towards that commitment instead of looking for reasons to back out or question it.

Same goes for relationships. Commitment drives our energy and investment. We commit our energies to the wrong things. We become so fixated on the existence of uncertainty that we decide to play it safe with the certainty of our patterns — life-by-numbers. We get to be right. We feel justified in our fears because we feel that this is yet another piece of evidence that corroborates our beliefs.

Initially, becoming a mother really triggered my fear of uncertainty, from worrying that Em had been in an accident if he was late to worrying about the kids being ill or something happening to them or us. I was robbing me of my inner peace, not uncertainty. If you're feeling this way about someone you like or they're feeling it about you , fear not!

It's completely normal and chances are, if you push past this stage, you'll realize that you do want a relationship and that you may just be ready for one, too. If you are, though, don't expect the uncertainty to end right away. At this stage, we're often thinking about whether we get along with our partner on a day-to-day basis: We think about whether we're having fun together, whether we feel like we can talk about things, and whether we generally fit into each other's lives.

Trombetti says we ask ourselves: Will this person push me to be the best I can or will they hold me back? We tend to ask ourselves, "Are the fights and molding of lives compromising worth it? It involves time and effort," he adds.

It's only if we feel like we're with the right person that we'll ultimately decide the time and effort is worth it. Giphy At this stage, we've gotten over our worries about whether we want to be in a relationship and whether the person is right for us: We're together, we're committed, and we're ready to go. After you've been in a committed relationship for a while — you may have even decided that this is your "one" — your uncertainty starts to shift from your comfort over to your partner's.

When you really love someone, you really want to make them happy and that can add a bit of nervousness. Here, you'll likely be thinking about whether or not you feel like you are worthy of them and whether you can be the person you want to be for them. You'll wonder whether they are truly happy with you and whether that can last.

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