Foreigners Become Unlikely Chinese TV Stars . As in the U.S., Chinese reality shows often play on the deep-seated concerns of ordinary. Here is a list of the 10 best Chinese dating websites for foreigners. . The same holds for online dating, You should be show respect, honest to the girls on the.
By Chase Amante Having been in Beijing more or less since July of with frequent travel to other locales, of course , I've gotten pretty acquainted with the dating scene here in China. I've been with a good number of girls, have had a few girlfriends, and — as I like to dabble in all things — have been sporadically active in the different expat communities in Beijing.
In fact, I moonlight as a rather well-connected man-about-town in the expat community here or rather, I was doing so earlier this year… I've since slowed down. So at this point, I feel somewhat confident saying I've learned much about how things work in this city and in this country. And there are, needless to say, some rather fascinating differences between here and the West. The women are different. The social values and cultural expectations are different.
How men and women go about dating is different. It's a bit of a different ballgame out here. Chinese Women Let's start with the obvious: Chinese girls. I'd been with a few prior to relocating to China, but didn't really know a whole lot about them aside from that they were supposedly more conservative than Western women, and tended to marry much younger and to make a bigger deal of marriage.
It was my understanding as well that many of them lived with their parents. All somewhat true, but rather incomplete. Here are some of the main things I've learned since: Chinese women are more "innocent. They generally have a more innocent, fairytale view of romance and the world — partly shaped by their experiences with men, partly shaped by the media they're exposed to over here tightly controlled by the government to promote "family values".
Chinese women are more aggressive. Despite their "innocence," I also find that they fight more for what they want than Western women do, strangely. Many people from the West — men and women — seem to have this strange passiveness about them, perhaps from having lives that are too easy and from not having to fight for what they want out of life.
Chinese women make no apology about telling you what they want and expect, though they might be a bit less direct about it than a Western woman would, as they are more deferential to men. What Chinese women want is changing. Their parents tend to push them to marry as soon as possible, but many of them want to find the "right guy.
They're less afraid of being 28 or 29 and unmarried, though they do start panicking a bit at that age. There is a strong element of "I want my parents to be happy" that still exists here, and women tell me they would consider marrying a man they weren't in love with if their parents really wanted it.
Chinese women are curious. Of course, like most foreigners in a foreign place, if you're from outside of China you'll be a curiosity here, and there are a number of women who are curious to see what it's like with you — despite cultural warnings against it a common one I hear from girls is that all of their friends say "American men are nasty".
The warnings don't seem to hurt much, though — it seems that women all say them, but they all assume that those warnings are for "other" women and that if they themselves want to date a foreign guy, it's okay so long as none of their families find out, of course! Chinese women are feminine and nurturing. Well, I suppose to the West, women anywhere else seem feminine and nurturing!
But girls here cook me dinner, help me clean my place and do laundry, and pay for most of the meals I have out with them. Okay, I guess girls did that for me in the States too, but I get more of it here. My current girlfriend even likes washing my back and legs in the shower. Chinese women have good bodies. Coming from America, it's no small contrast! Whereas when a woman says she's "average" sized in the States, what she means is "plump," when a woman says she's "average" sized in China, what she means is "thin.
Many women here are also quite flat-chested, but you can find women who are well-endowed — my current girlfriend has B-cups and a good butt to go along with her tiny waist, and my architect girl had perfect C-cups and a waist I could practically wrap my fingers around.
There are a few other things that are different, as well, but not universally so. Many of the women living in Beijing have their own apartments, since they came for college and left the folks at home.
You run into more sexually inexperienced women here — most of the women I've been with in China only had one or two lovers before me. But you still run into some pros, too. Most of the women also don't shave — which means armpit hair and no bikini line.
The good news is that the hair on their legs is almost invisible without a magnifying glass, and their pubic hair is of a much nicer, more naturally trimmed shape than the wild manes of a Western woman who hasn't shaved. And you can always tell them to shave if it bothers you.
In addition, a surprising number of Chinese women are actually quite tall — much more than you'd expect based off what you see abroad. My architect ex-girlfriend was nearly as tall as I am, and I'm 6 feet 1.
I suspect taller women are considered more beautiful and thus get better treatment at home and have less incentive to move abroad, which would be why you'd see lots of them here, but few of them outside China.
From what I'm told, the women from Northern China are taller, while the women from Southern China are shorter. My current girlfriend is from the south, and she's quite short; I can easily rest my chin atop her head. Even for China though, she's considered rather tiny. Expatriate Women An expatriate, or expat, of course is a woman living in a country other than her own. Most of the expats you meet in China are from Russia lots of Russians here , Europe especially France and the Nordic countries , or America, though there are some from other Asian countries, some from Africa, and a handful from Latin America.
Expat women face an unfortunate predicament in China and, from what I hear, throughout Asia. What that means, of course, is that there are a lot of lonely expat girls in China. It's something you can tell right away. When I first moved to Beijing, I saw three Russian women on the subway, one of them strikingly beautiful, and the other two not half bad. The instant I started talking to them, you could see their faces melt, and they just about started staring at me like a fat kid looks at a hamburger.
I'm starting to think of this as the "expat girl stare" and I get it everywhere I go that there are expat girls. Even the most drop dead beautiful women here blow open to the lamest openers you can imagine, because they're so thrilled to meet a man who's actually interested and is the kind of guy they could get together with. Women of a caliber of looks I used to have to sometimes take a little while to crack open in California, or who might at times be downright cold to me on my approach, open easily here.
The flipside of that, of course, is that the expat women you meet are all in desperation mode. And what happens when you yourself are a resource that's vanishingly scarce?
Why, women want to cling to you for dear life. So most expat women here aren't looking for hook-ups; they're looking for committed relationships. They want to keep that attractive, wonderful man they've just met.
A guy they might have a fling with in Europe or America is a guy they'll want a relationship with in China. I met a gal who'd been single and loving it for six years in America taking the dating scene by storm, Sex and the City style, but within six months of moving to Asia she wound up in a committed relationship with a guy who was just okay but whom she seemed to be constantly trying to convince herself was the best thing since sliced bread.
Your scarcity over here means you get a lot of neediness, and a lot of fear about sleeping with you too quickly. Expat girls tend to get very nervous and needy around eligible bachelors… it's not pretty. They try to slow game you take it slow so as not to mess things up with me by moving too fast more aggressively here than I've seen any women try to slow game anywhere else in the world.
I've found myself dropping more girls for trying to slow game me into boyfriend-land than at any other point in my life — and I'm doing a better job disqualifying myself as a boyfriend than at any other point in my life. So, expat girls here are a double-edged sword. They're thrilled to have anyone with a pair of balls come talk to them, but anyone with the balls to talk to them instantly gets slotted into "Oh God I hope he becomes my boyfriend" territory.
Therefore, you have to be a lot more careful about setting the right expectations with them and not having them think you'll be boyfriend material for them. Dating in China Aside from what I've heard about India and Muslim countries, dating in China is in many ways the most different I know of from the West. Most of the Chinese girls I've met lost their virginity between ages 22 and Usually a girl loses it to her college boyfriend, and it's common for boyfriends and girlfriends to date for several years before having sex.
In fact, I have girls tell me they have very good girlfriends who've been dating guys for three to five years and haven't had sex with them yet then again, these same girls admit to me that they don't tell their girlfriends when they're having sex, so I'm of the mind that many of those girlfriends aren't telling them either. Men in China are obsessed with virgins.
My best friend is a Chinese-American guy I've known for a long time, and I always got a kick out of how much he loved taking girls' virginity. According to my latest girlfriend, men in China are really emotionally torn if they're in the situation of potentially marrying a girl who's not a virgin.
They just can't deal with the emotional pain of knowing she's had another man inside her before — and worse, that maybe she liked it. Similarly, a big reason my girlfriend got so upset last week the Tuesday night where I mentioned breaking up with her and kicking her out in " Women and Drama " was because she started thinking about me enjoying sex with my past girlfriend and it bothered the hell out of her.
Another difference in the dating here: My girlfriend tells me a lot of stories about "friends" of hers who clearly from her description of what they're doing are trying to get with her. She maybe suspects, but doesn't really realize it outright until I point out to her the things that they're doing.
Only then does she realize things like, "Oh, I knew I was uncomfortable when he took me to a bar and touched my hair, but I thought he just wanted to be my friend and maybe that's just how he shows his friendship.
Fortunately, most Chinese women have heard enough about foreigners that they know you're probably not going to be Mr. Right — especially if you bed them fast. I've had girls tell me, "I know you're not going to be a husband for me," which is refreshing to hear. My architect girlfriend prodded me about marriage from the day we got together, though she understood and accepted that I might very well not be in China all that long.
My current girlfriend views marriage as an impossibility, though she's falling pretty hard for me to be fair, I like her a lot too. Great gal. I never even ended up seeing her again beyond that one night we spent together — and I was quite clear with her that I was not boyfriend material by any stretch of the imagination both before and after we were intimate. Didn't stop her from pulling out all the stops and dreaming that we were aisle-bound.
This isn't common though, and other Chinese girls including my current girlfriend have called this behavior crazy and bizarre when I told them about it. Do You Need to Know Chinese? Chinese pick up lines anybody? Nah… not my style.
Chinese society is getting more open, however, dating a white guy in China is not easy. Sometimes, I get discriminated against by Chinese men on the street.
They shouted rude words and they tried to start a fight in a bar for no reason. If they believe foreign white men lure away Chinese women, why can't they lure us back by having better manners and treating women better?
One of my best Western friends is going to marry the man she met in China next year. Love happens, when you are patient. The author worked for the Guardian Beijing office as a researcher and news assistant, and is currently studying for a Master of Arts in Journalism in University of Technology, Sydney. This is all the more pronounced due to China's rise recently.
Unfortunately the past is difficult to get away from and some lash out at their own history and culture. Such coping mechanisms are well documented. What isn't as well documented is the fact that coping with inferiority complexes affects all areas in dealing with foreigners today, including relationships.
Putting aside the viral stories of Chinese companies using token foreigners as a sign of being "international," we can see this skewed perception of reality demonstrated by those who only date foreigners. The excuses are hollow for both "it is just business" and "it is just love" are just masks by the one who doesn't have the courage to acknowledge their inferiority complex, that they worship foreigners and that it plays a central role in their decision-making.
Those with inferiority complexes naturally seek acceptance from those they perceive as superior. In China and indeed much of the rest of the world, this means seeking the acceptance of white foreigners. What is even more disturbing is this need for acceptance pushes that person to do irrational and illogical things. Western entertainment has a long history of emasculating Asian men and sexually fetishizing Asian women.
What this means is that Asian men are never portrayed in a romantic way and Asian women are portrayed as submissive sex objects, usually with white men. What this means is that foreign men have the impression that Asian women are easy and they are entitled to them. While giving foreign men a confidence boost, it warps their perception to the point it is not about people, but objects.
This means those who fail at home go to China because they see Asian women as a reliable back-up option. Even worse, it means that Asian women are disposable.
It doesn't matter to the foreign male if he mistreats his partner, because if things don't work out he will just get another. In China the toxic relationship is completed, where the loser foreign male finds his submissive Asian who has an inferiority complex. There are no doubts some who are perfectly fine with being a racialized object in the relationship, but for people of sound mind and any sense of self-respect, this is a problem and not something to be sought after.
The author is a writer from Kulturemedia, media watchdog on behalf of Asian-Americans. There's nothing like the topic of sex to get people's attention, and to get under their skin, too. But a recent article in Metro Shanghai, titled "Single foreign females in China don't have it easy," struck me as particularly wrong-headed.
I don't claim to be any kind of love expert, but I have managed to stay married - to a Jiangsu woman - for over seven years, and I've seen friends from the US, Canada and England marry locals. The writer, Stephanie N, makes a lot of bold claims and assumptions.
I would like to take exception to the wearyingly familiar trope of the male expat, emboldened beyond any fair reckoning by the unwarranted admiration of the submissive Chinese woman.
In Western countries, men are expected to do all the approaching in dating. A woman having active desires is still somehow frowned upon. In China things seem to be more equal. This may be because the dating window is so restricted: So Chinese women are more practical, to the point of what seems to the Western perspective hard-nosed pragmatism.
They want a man, they'll approach him. So Western men find they don't have to do all the running, for once. They are no longer always supplicant. Hell, they might even have options. But this doesn't mean that they go sleeping around in a frenzy of easy one-night stands. However, even in the wake of political change and globalization, many families still held the traditional Chinese belief that women, unlike men, belonged in the home, and that their parents had the final say over whom they could marry.
Certain traditions still ruled. The style of the show followed a linear pattern. It was essentially a singles ad broadcast before audience members, who, if interested, could contact the candidate for a date. Despite all the limitations, the show was a groundbreaking depiction of courtship. It took decisions about love and marriage from the private home to the very public domain of broadcast TV. Economic liberalization had loosened restrictions for what could appear on the airwaves, but there was now the added pressure of turning a profit.
More than ever before, networks needed to produce entertaining shows that attracted audiences. It was during this period that dating shows started to transform, depicting live, on-air matchmaking and dates between single males and females. And for those who had little dating experience, it was a model for courtship; soon, the viewing public was able to reconceptualize ideas of love, relationships and marriage. At the same time, traditional courtship and marriage rituals were evaporating.
For example, in , only 1. By , that number had skyrocketed to Meanwhile, divorces in China rose from , couples in to 3.