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If Everyday Feminism has been useful to you, please take one minute to keep us publishing the articles you've come to rely on us for. Thank you! Click here to join! Once, I was at a bar with friends when two white men approached me. One was a guy who was interested in talking to me, and the other was acting as his wingman. The guy did, in fact, have some kind of black girl fetish. While white men are not the only group to hold racial biases and stereotypes against black women, they tend to be the least informed on the racialized and gendered issues that black women endure.
White men navigate society with relative ease while black women are teetering on the precarious margins of race and gender that they do not have the privilege to ignore. This is not a game to us, nor is it something we can ignore. Our race and gender affects the way we carry ourselves, and this uncomfortable mindfulness is something that white men simply cannot relate to.
A white man must be willing to work toward a better understanding of how race and gender intersect differently for everyone, and he must also be prepared to speak out against the injustices that their partners will endure.
And while of course the topic of race should be an ongoing conversation with your significant other, things would go a lot smoother if men — and in this case, white men — were able to identify and prevent racial tension from the very beginning. To be blunt: White guys, you often approach black women in a harmful way.
Most white men are unaware of the microaggressions towards their black partner that make their chances for a second date slim to none. Understand his value system. But if she insists, it's kind of like role-swapping-as a man, you don't want to allow that to happen. My mom and dad have been married for 37 years, and my dad picks up the tab. I do appreciate when a woman does offer.
Make the offer and make the attempt, and let the man decide. Expect him to pay for the first date. And many men share this opinion. Oh well, happy hunting! Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform.